Ronnie Jackson to the Rescue

I recently read about a South African car salesman’s desire to fire 83,000 people from the Department of Veterans Affairs. He has a merry band of youthful apprentices, and together they called themselves “doge.” You might have heard of it. I believe the proper pronunciation is “doggy.”

So I said to myself, “Self, our very own congressional representative, Captain Ronny Jackson, also known as Dr. Feelgood or The Candyman, must be enraged by this! He’s a veteran himself!”

I’ll just say, right now, that I’m careful in making sure I use Ronny Jackson’s title of Captain. This is out of respect. I know some of you will say, hey, he’s an admiral, dummy! But alas, he is not. He had been a very naughty boy and the navy demoted him. He retired as a Captain.

It’s funny how the world works. Today I’m talking about the VA. Did you know Captain Ronny Jackson was nominated to be the U.S. Secretary of Veterans Affairs in 2018! What a choice! But alas, he withdrew his name. He had been a very naughty boy yet again.

And sure, he was once handcuffed by the police at the White Deer Rodeo for being . . . well, naughty AGAIN. (In this video he demonstrates his extensive vocabulary while being naughty that night.)

Even still, as much as he’s a carpetbagger, he’s OUR carpetbagger, and undoubtedly he’d stand up for the VA. So I checked his website because I wanted to know when his next town hall was so I could cheer him on in his support of “the troops.”

Instead I saw this:

The Golden Age! Since Ronny Jackson is an Educated Naughty Man, I’m sure he’s talking about the historical Golden Age, ruled by the Ancient Greek Titan Cronus. This is one of the Ages of Man, followed by the Silver Age, Bronze Age, Heroic Age, and Iron Age (in this last one “…humans are motivated entirely by self-interest, tell lies as truth, continually fight with each other.” Which pretty much nails it today).

Okay, so maybe he’s not as smart as I had hoped. But then I saw this headline on his website:

Now THAT is the business! I’m heartened by this, especially since he supports the doggy chainsaw ripping apart the VA. But he introduced a bill! That must mean something.

So I looked at the bill.

This is what Ronny Jackson worked so hard on:

Section 3327(f)(3) of title 38, United States Code, is amended by striking “together” and all that follows through (as applicable),.

Yes, he took out the word “together” and a bit more of the sentence.

Technically, this IS a bill. But really it just amends a tiny part of the law. Here’s what the law currently says:

“(3) Timing of payment.-The amount payable with respect to an individual under paragraph (1) shall be paid to the individual together with the last payment of the monthly stipend payable to the individual under paragraph (1)(B) of section 3313(c) of this title, or under paragraphs (2) through (7) 1 of that section (as applicable),”

Ronnie wants to get rid of this “together with the last payment of the monthly stipend payable to the individual.”

See, the law right now says once veterans are close to using up all of their Post-9/11 benefits, this additional stipend will come with their final regular monthly payment. Instead of receiving this additional stipend separately or later, Uncle Sam simply pays it out as part of the final payment they receive before their benefits run out.

I know this is overly technical and sleepily complex, but my real point is how our elected representatives obscure the truth. On one hand, Ronnie Jackson cheers on the dismantling of the VA, which will genuinely hurt many, many people. On the other he says, hey, look at me! I’m working hard for you. But after digging with just a tiny sandbox shovel, it’s easy to see the claim of “working hard” is all performative. He’s calling a technical administrative change that has nearly zero percent of passing through the entire Congress the “Fairness in Veterans’ Education Act,” because who wouldn’t like those words shoved together?

Ronnie Jackson should leave DC for a while, finally, and get back to his adopted home area, stand up in front of his constituents and explain, in non-slurred speech, what he really does as our elected representative in Congress. It surely has to be more than switching out a word or two of section 3327(f)(3) of US Code title 38.

But unfortunately for us, the Candyman has gone MIA.